I’ve been thinking about the whole Emma wishes Neal was dead scene. CSers are rejoicing since they’re thinking it’s full on declaration that Emma wants to move on from Neal. But does she really???? It didn’t read that way to me at all. If anything it just reiterated how scared she is in dealing with her emotions yet again and that she needs time to work it all out. If she really wanted to cut ties with Neal she would’ve said so and have it be her deepest darkest secret, even after she said “I love you” to him right before she thought he supposedly perished. That would’ve been cold and dark in my eyes.
Let’s recap shall we? (and use pretty GIFs while we’re at it)
Emma: “When I heard you might be here, that you might still be alive, I knew I should be happy but I wasn’t. I was terrified. I didn’t understand why until now. The moment I saw you in New York, the instance you stepped back into my life, I knew I never stopped loving you. And before I even had a chance to take a breath, I lost you once more and all that pain that I had pushed down for all those years just came rushing back. And I didn’t know if I could go through it again. I love you, I probably always will. But my secret was that I was hoping this was a trick. I was hoping you were dead because it would be easy for me to put you behind me, then to face the pain that WE went through all over again.”
It’s interesting to note that Emma mentioned WE in her speech. As in her and Neal’s pain, their suffering. And it’s also interesting that Emma says “it would be easy to put you behind me”. As if she just wanted to sweep the whole thing under the rug and not have to deal with it. So instead of hanging my head that Swanfire is dead in the water, it instead gave me hope.
Hope??? What??? Why? You ask. Because it demonstrates yet again how Emma reacts when she’s been thrown in emotional turmoil.
Emma has a history of hiding from her own feelings and emotions. It’s pretty much her natural instinct at this point. We’ve seen her act on her fear by running away from her problems or just sweeping it aside and not addressing it, but in the end she comes full circle from what she initially thought she couldn’t do or feel. If you don’t believe me, let’s take a look at some examples:
#1 - “I Don’t have a son!”
- Right off the bat. Emma denies in having a son. Her initial reaction was freaking out and hiding in the bathroom. In contrast to Neal fully accepting he might be a father just seconds after seeing Henry walk in front of him. Throughout Seasons 1-2 Emma constantly questions herself in being capable of being Henry’s mother.
Hey look a rubix cube!
- But in season 3, Emma puts her doubts and fears aside and has fully embraced being Henry’s mother. Just look at the determination in her eyes then from where we saw her in the beginning.
You go get’em Emma!
#2 - Kidnapping Henry
- We all remember this little scene don’t we? In the wake of having weird occurrences happening, responsibilities as Sheriff and not to mention Regina winning over and over and over again, Emma freaks out and says I’m leaving! It illustrates that Emma is again avoiding her problems that she has to deal with and runs away from everything without notice. Not to mention the fact that it was completely wrong to uproot Henry so suddenly. Her instincts of protecting herself kicked in.
- But with a little pep-talk from Henry. Emma comes to her senses and tries to resolve her conflict with Regina amicably. (though…little did she know Regina was planning on poisoning her with an apple pastry.)
But don’t worry she does this to Regina later on…
#3 - Being the Savior
- Also In the wake of strange occurrences happening Emma refused to believe August when he shows her, her own history and the truth. But more importantly is the fact that Emma immediately shuts down when having to face her painful past, leading her not to believe and not to see August’s wooden leg.
- Emma proclaiming “I DON’T WANT anyone to need me!” is pretty much not because she thinks August is batshit crazy but because she’s too scared to face the possibility that Henry might be right and that she really might have family here and thus having to face the truth of her abandonment as a child.
(OK maybe August is just a little batshit crazy)
- But we all know in the end when the going got tough and the tough got going, she jumped right in her role as the Savior. Especially when someone she loves is in danger.
Being the savior 101: You need at least 1 dragon slaying under your belt.
#4 - Family
- After finding her family, naturally Emma feels distant from them especially when Emma faces the fact that her parents DID abandon her, but not in the way she thought they did. Even though it was for her own good and the good of their people, Emma still resented her parent’s choice of sending her away and shuts down emotionally when Snow wanted to talk it out.
OUCH! That’s gotta sting…
- But even though her initial reaction to her parents was luke-warm. She’s come a long way from being a loner to being determined to keep her family together.
Snow with mouth hanging open. Is this my really my daughter?
So that’s why I’m not all that worry about Emma’s so called speech about wishing Neal was dead and not having to face her pain, because in all these instances we’ve seen we know she eventually does face her pain and tackles her demons. I’m positive that she can overcome her issues with Neal and let him back into her life like she did with her parents. The poor girl just needs time.
Lastly we see Neals steps up and gives her a great big comforting hug. Even after that hurtful confession she’s just made to him. Small steps into Swanfire reconciliation…
Here’s to a good episode tonight fellow Oncers!
***All GIFs without source link are my own. You are welcome to use it, just reblog or credit me. Thanks! :)